Tuesday April 2, 2002

My dear friend, Diana, invited me to attend a PTA meeting tomorrow night. I wasn’t going to go since Ethan doesn’t attend Glenn Oak Elementary School yet. However, after thinking about it, that might not be such a bad idea. Afterall, Ethan will be attending that school next fall. I think I will go just to see how everything works.

Wednesday April 3, 2002

The PTA meeting started out as I had expected by addressing various areas of interest, such as financial issues, fundraisers, individual class developments, scheduled events, etc. However, tonight they had a guest speaker, Laura Kee, a speech-language pathologist at the school. Of course, I was the naïve parent that had no idea of what this person did for a living. I figured she was going to present ideas about getting the children oriented with writing and presenting speeches. After all, this is considered an important part of school curriculums these days, or so I have heard. However, I was surprised to learn that this was not the case. She was actually there to present a PowerPoint presentation about how chronic otitis media can possibly cause a language delay. This immediately caught my attention since Ethan had suffered many middle ear infections in the past. Still, I had never suspected him of having any developmental problems. I mean, sure, his language isn’t perfect, but he’s only five years old. Isn’t this normal?
After listening intently to the presentation, I began to worry about Ethan. Like any other caring mother, I only want what’s best for him. Only, I still didn’t know what I should do. I waited around until all of the other parents had left and then approached Ms. Kee. She gave me the phone number to a local audiologist, John Sutton, and advised me to have Ethan’s hearing evaluated. I’m going to give him a call first thing tomorrow morning.

Thursday April 4, 2002

Today was very hectic. I overslept so I was late for work and the kids were late for school. I hate it when that happens! Anyway, despite all of the chaos, I did manage to remember to call Mr. Sutton about having Ethan’s hearing evaluated. I gave him the name of Ethan’s pediatrician so that he could obtain Ethan’s medical history, and I made an appointment for April 13, 2002 at 2:00pm. I’ll have to leave work a little early, but it’s worth it. We’ll just have to wait and see what happens!

Saturday April 13, 2002

Ethan had his hearing evaluated today. It turns out Ethan has a mild conductive hearing loss in his right ear and a mild to moderate conductive hearing loss in his left ear. Of course, I had no idea what this meant. I must have asked Mr. Sutton more than twenty questions. I hope he didn’t mind. I’m sure he’s used to dealing with concerned parents, such as myself. Anyway, he decided that it would be wise to have Ethan’s speech and language evaluated as well. When he told me that he was going to refer Ethan to a speech-language pathologist, I requested that he refer him to Ms. Kee. After all, if not for the presentation she had given at the PTA meeting, Ethan’s hearing loss would still be undiagnosed. I requested a copy of the referral letter. He promised he would mail me a copy the next day.

Tuesday April 16, 2002

Well, I received a copy of the referral letter today. It basically just discussed Ethan’s medical history and the results of his hearing tests. Of course, I had no idea what the specifics of the tests meant, but I guess that doesn’t matter. All that matters is that my little angel is going to get the help that he needs. I hope it’s nothing serious. I do want the best for him. I’d hate for him to have anything holding him back when he starts kindergarten next fall. I just hope my prayers are answered, and his language turns out to be just fine.

Wednesday April 17, 2002

I went ahead and called Ms. Kee today. I figured that since I received my copy of the letter yesterday, she had probably also received the referral letter. She agreed to go ahead and set up an appointment. It looks like Ethan will be having his speech and language evaluation on April 25, 2002 at 3:00pm. I can hardly wait. I hate not knowing anything. I guess I’ll just have to keep on praying!

Wednesday April 24, 2002

I just can’t seem to get any sleep tonight. Tomorrow is the big day! I keep thinking about all of the possibilities. I just love Ethan so much! I can’t imagine him having a developmental delay. I keep telling myself that he’s going to be just fine. His language isn’t delayed. It’s not perfect, but it’s not delayed. He's just a normal five year old, isn't he? I can’t keep torturing myself like this. I’m just going to have to make myself get some sleep. That’s all there is to it. Well good night. I’ll be back tomorrow. Same time. Same place.

Thursday April 25, 2002

Ethan had his speech and language evaluation today. He definitely didn’t want to be there. He had just finished a nap so he was a little cranky. We were there a lot longer than I had expected. By the time I filled out the necessary paperwork and Ethan had his evaluation, we had been there almost three hours! I’m not complaining though. I’m just thankful that I had Ethan’s speech and language evaluated when I did. It turns out that Ethan’s language is, in fact, delayed. However, after talking to Ms. Kee about language therapy, I am optimistic about Ethan’s future. Just because it is delayed now doesn’t mean that there is no hope of his language ever being normal. There is hope thanks to language therapy. Ms. Kee promised to send me a letter explaining a little more about Ethan’s language delay and the possible reason for this delay. I guess I’ll be getting that in the mail within the next few days.

Monday April 29, 2002

I received the letter from the speech-language pathologist today. It did help me to understand a little better what Ethan is going through. It explained what a language disorder is and how it could affect him in school. It also discussed Ethan’s history of Chronic Otitis Media and how it could have been the cause of his language delay. Included with the letter was a poem that Ethan had written with the help of Ms. Kee. The poem was about what it was like when people talked to him and how these experiences made him feel. I was shocked to learn what his life had been like and how frustrated he was because of it. I am so disappointed in myself. All of this time, I have been asking other people about what Ethan is experiencing and never once thought to ask my own son. Finding out that Ethan would need language therapy was unexpected, but nothing I couldn’t handle. However, after reading Ethan’s poem, I just feel so overwhelmed with sadness and guilt. I am haunted by the fact that my son has been suffering all this time, and I never even noticed. Why didn’t I know? Why didn’t I help him? I feel like a failure as a mother. Surely there was something I could have done to prevent all of this. What kind of mother am I? I am so sure that he will grow to resent me for all of this, and I won’t blame him if he does. How am I ever going to make this up to him?

Wednesday May 1, 2002

This morning, I decided to go see Ms. Kee. I am so glad that I did! She talked with me for over an hour, answering all of my questions and assuring me that it is not my fault. She also referred me to her webliography, which includes links to additional information about Chronic Otitis Media and language delays. I’m still not able to accept the fact that I am not at least partly to blame. In any case, I know that Ethan is in good hands. With so many people aiding and supporting him, he’s sure to succeed in his therapy.

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