Since I started school 16 years ago, I have had many experiences as a learner, far too many to talk about. However, there is one that stands out in my mind. This experience of frustration and grief as a learner was during my accounting class my senior year of high school. In the beginning, I absolutely loved the class. I loved to just sit there for an hour and play around with numbers. However, as the class progressed, the math problems became more elaborate and time consuming. If I made even one minor mistake, like forgetting to carry a number or adding instead of subtracting a number, I wouldn't realize it until I had reached the bottom of the data sheet. Once discovering that my answer was wrong, I would have to backtrack until I found the error. This was extremely frustrating. I remember that towards the end of the semester, we were given a four-week assignment. We were each given a packet full of various record sheets to record our data. The teacher also gave us a list of the correct answers that we were supposed to get when finished the packet. You see, the answers for each data sheet were applied to the following data sheet, until finishing the packet. In other words, I wouldn’t know if I had made a mistake until finishing the entire packet. If I had made a mistake, I would have to check every single mathematical equation until I came across the error(s). Of course, when I had finished my packet, my answers did not match the correct answers the teacher had given us. I was beyond stressed by this point. It was the end of the semester, so I had been studying for finals, preparing for graduation, and practicing for the annual end-of-the-year show choir concert every day after school. One day, I decided to go to my teacher to ask for help. I started crying uncontrollably because of all of the stress I was under. I felt like I just didn’t have enough time for everything that was going on in my life. She took me out into the hallway and had a very comforting conversation with me. She told me that she knew that I was capable of completing the assignment correctly and that she did not want the assignment to take over my life. She told me that I could come to her classroom any time of the day, on any day that I wanted in order to get the work done. She also stressed that she did not want me to worry about the due date. She gave me until the last day of class to turn it in. This allowed me to concentrate more on the quality of my work instead of the deadline. Sure enough, I finished the assignment correctly and actually turned it in before the due date. I was so proud of myself and so grateful for the encouraging words that Mrs. Bryant had given me. She made me realize that if I stressed over things too much, I would produce less quality work. This is a lesson that I have taken with me to college. I try not to stress excessively over my work. Of course, stress is almost inevitable as a college student, but it is up to me to control it and not allow it to affect the quality of my work.

As with the previous story, deadlines are definitely something that cause me grief as a learner. I’m not referring to one deadline, or even two deadlines. I’m referring to numerous deadlines for numerous assignments, each of which require much thought and time to complete. In the past few years, I’ve learned that there is no such thing as an easy, quick CD assignment. It’s not that my general classes are easy. It’s just that CD classes seem to demand much more thought and consideration. Maybe it’s not that my CD professors require any more time and consideration than my other professors. Perhaps it’s that I demand more from myself in these classes. I know that it is going to be up to me to live up to my fullest potential, and to be able to apply what I learn in these classes as I continue to advance in the program. Another thing that can cause me grief is when I fail to do as well as my classmates. I used to dwell on this. I thought that if I didn’t do as well as the majority of the class, I was a failure. As I’ve grown, I’ve come to realize that I should only be concerned with my own performance, not how well I measure up with my classmates. As long as I do my best and give everything my greatest effort, I can be happy and satisfied with my performance. Also, many of the professors have told us that the important thing is that we learn the material, not what grade we get on a test. I agree it’s important to learn, and while I do learn from the mistakes that I make on tests, I still wish that I would learn these things before taking the tests. In any case, I’ve learned to move on and to try not to dwell on these mistakes, but to treat them as learning experiences.

Of course, learning isn’t all about grief and frustration. Learning can also be exciting and empowering. I love to be able to go home and carry on a conversation with my family and friends about something new that I have learned. During my freshman year, when visiting my family for a weekend, they would always say to me, “Laura, can you talk about anything besides what you’ve learned in school?” I admit I was a nerd. I was just so excited about what I had learned, I wanted to let everyone know. I felt so smart! While I don’t rush home anymore to share every single piece of learned information with everyone that I come in contact, I still feel the excitement of learning. I used to doubt myself at the beginning of every semester. I was always afraid that I couldn’t live up to each professor’s expectations for me to succeed in a class. Now, while I am still uncertain of what will be asked of me at the beginning of any given class, I do not doubt myself. I know that I have been successful in the past, and that as long as I try my best, I can succeed at anything I set out to accomplish. Also, while I still strive to get an A in every class, I now realize that my grade does not define my knowledge. I’ll learn what needs to be learned. It’s just a question of whether I’ll learn it before the test, or if I’ll learn from my mistakes after the test. Either way, I’ll be proud of myself for giving it my all.